Choosing a City

Choosing a City

This was one of the most exciting and daunting tasks: having a blank slate and a whole map from which to select a place to live. Since you’re not in Israel now, your best bet is to use the Nefesh B’Nefesh website or Google to start researching cities, towns, moshavim and kibbutzim. Are looking for other Anglos or do you want to immerse yourself in Hebrew and Israeli culture? Maybe there’s a place that’s a combination of both. Just remember this: if you have kids, your kids’ happiness should be your top priority. (That said, an unemployed parent unable to put food on the table will definitely not feed the kids’ happiness.)

Other priorities to consider:

- Proximity to work (or to potential employment areas if you are coming without a job)

- Cost of living and/or rent

- Where in the country do you want to be: South, North, or Central

- Geography and landscape

- Ease of shopping and getting around day-to-day if you are not going to have a car

If you can take a pilot trip, go for it. Narrow your selection down to three or so locations. Weekday visits might be misleading as people work and kids are in school. This includes Sundays. On your list of locations, weigh heavily which one you want to visit on Shabbos because here you will probably get the best feel for the community there.

Our priority was success. Where can we land to have the greatest chance of success? We defined success as being 1) happy and 2) not wanting to return to the States. We knew that we would be most successful in an Anglo community because we would be able to communicate and make friends much easier than in a community where we couldn’t communicate as effectively. That narrowed down our search to a few communities and we ultimately decided on Ramat Beit Shemesh because we had friends in place already. Then we began asking them lots of questions: how do we find an apartment, how much should apartments cost, what schools do you send to (keeping in mind their hashgafa, religious outlook), do you need a car, and more.

Even though “we” decided on Ramat Beit Shemesh, I looked at the $$$ attached to this city on the Nefesh bNefesh website and it concerned me that it was kinda costly to live there. I wanted less-expensive, so I found a small community that had some Anglos near Haifa. I invited my wife to Starbucks so we could look at this community together. I remember that as the laptop was booting up, she said to me over her coffee, “I want you to know that just the idea of looking at this location is making my chest tight already.”

I knew it was not worth it. She wanted RBS and she felt like we’d have the most success there. It wasn’t worth her going through extra stress in an already highly stressful period, and it wasn’t worth gambling our high chances of success in RBS to save money in a different city in which success was nowhere near a sure thing. When the computer turned on, I think we played online Tic-Tac-Toe or something non-stress inducing.

We’ve been in Ramat Beit Shemesh Aleph for six months as of this writing. We made the right decision. This may not be our permanent home, but for now, it’s wonderful.

Choosing and Applying to Schools (for your kids)

Schools

I think one of the most important, if not the most important, goals is your kids’ happiness. (Flag: You're going to hear me say this over and over again.) If your kids are not happy, all of the other important decisions quickly lose their value and you’ll see that this is where the true priority lies. That said, remember, I’m writing from the perspective of a father who made aliyah with five children under 8.5.

Since a child’s life revolves around school and the friends they make there, choosing the best school for your child should be high on your To Do list. Yes, academics are important, of course, but remember that when you get to Israel you will have uprooted your children from their familiar surroundings and from their friends, and you’ll want them to be able to survive and thrive socially as well as academically. The academics are going to be very challenging that first year as the classes will probably be in Hebrew. I’m told that after Chanukah, the kids start to really catch on, and we’ve seen this with our kids. I also hear the second year is much easier. (As of this writing, we’ve been here six months.)

Two weeks after Chanukah, my six year-old (turned six on Chanukah) translated for me what a cab driver said, and my seven year-old daughter’s teacher told us that she, the teacher, told the class a whole story in Hebrew and then asked for a volunteer to measure the classroom using their own feet. My daughter raised her hand. The teacher thought maybe she needed to use the bathroom as a way to escape all the Hebrew jibberish. When the morah called on my daughter, she went to the front of the room and started measuring with her little feet. Nachas. (And a tinge of jealousy for her quick language acquisition!)

BY February, you should be applying to schools for the coming year.

How do you choose a school? I’ll tell you what we did. After deciding on our city, Ramat Beit Shemesh Aleph, we looked up information about the schools on the Nefesh b’Nefesh website. It was helpful in that it gave us a basic understanding of the different schools. Then we spoke to people we knew in Ramat Beit Shemesh to see where they sent their kids and to hear their opinions of the school. This was very helpful. We also joined the RBS Facebook page and asked questions there. (One caveat: when reading people’s opinions on different topics, I remember that there were sometimes contradictory black or white answers with no gray in the middle. Example: Do they speak English at Toras Moshe grade school? One answer was yes and another answer was, “I walked by Toras Moshe’s playground and heard not one word of English.” What I’ve found is that most or all kids speak English, but some or many speak Hebrew also...especially the kids who’ve been here a couple years.)

If you will need a boys’ school and a girls’ school, in Ramat Beit Shemesh there is sometimes an expectation is that brothers and sisters attend partner schools. My boys go to Toras Moshe and my daughter goes to B’nos Malka.  There are many families who also have kids in both schools.  

Interviews

We had to interview to get our boys into Toras Moshe: both parents, at the school, at the same time. We were able to have this interview in July; however, we spent the next few days anxiously awaiting to hear if the boys were accepted. We did not have a Plan B school. I know at least one other school that requires the face-to-face with both parents. This could be accomplished on a pilot trip (which we did not take). My daughter’s school allowed us to interview via video chat while we were in America, and she was accepted before we arrived.

In our boys’ interview, our future third grader (kitah gimmel) and future kindergartner (gan chovah) were asked to read. I was proud how my third grade son read Hebrew...a lot better than me when I was 35 years old! The interviewer (the head of the school) said that he read at an end of kindergarten level.

Accommodations

Thankfully, Toras Moshe is used to and well-equipped for olim chadashim (new immigrants). For our third grader, there are several special programs each morning to review material learned in his all-Hebrew-speaking class as well as Ulpan. They even provide a daily class for olim just to be able to talk about issues and their feelings. Until Chanukah he left at 1:00 pm each day because everybody felt the afternoon (all in Hebrew without being pulled out for special programs) would be too frustrating. My six year-old in the same school, as well as our seven year-old daughter in a different school, stay until 3:00. They are doing fine. Our oldest son started staying a full day of school a couple of weeks ago.  He seems to be doing great as well.

$$$

The religious schools are not free. They cost a fraction of what American day schools cost, but they do cost. And the accommodations cost money also, but the accommodations, I’m told, are only needed the first year. But it’s an expensive first year! Plan on spending double the actual school tuition the first year for tutors, ulpan, etc. Public schools are free.

When to Arrive

We chose to arrive in July and put the kids in local summer camps. This plan worked out very well because on the first day of school in this new city on the other side of the globe far from everything familiar to them, our kids already had friends in their classes whom they met at camp.

Remember, you want your kids to be happy. Choosing the school that’s going to provide them with the education you want and the supports and social network they need might not be a simple task. Start researching right away and if you’re planning a pilot trip, plan to visit the schools you’ve researched and ask if they require interviews. Also remember this sad but unfortunately true fact: you will probably not be able to give your kids the attention they need and deserve during this first year of upheaval. They will probably experience a range of emotions, and depending on their age and their maturity, might not be able to vocalize or explain what they’re feeling, and it can manifest in different actions or behaviors. As wonderful a parent as you are, you will also be going through your own upheaval, but you will more likely be focusing on the settling down aspects: finding a job, learning the language, finding a shul, making friends, etc. Your kids can fall victim to being ignored (even partially) as you deal with your family’s future...at the cost of their present.  Here’s a tip for helping to ease the transition for your kids: Once a month give each of your kids a day off alone with you.  This is a great time to go on a short tiyul (trip) or just go out for ice cream.  This gives them a little break from the stress of school and important one on one time with you. It makes a world of difference. Also, it really helps to take some family trips around Israel to show your kids how amazing and special this place is.  And you get to live here!!

When Is It Time to Move Israel?

For over ten years I asked myself what has to happen to cause me to leave my comfortable life in Philadelphia to move to Israel. This question originated after my friend, Ari, and I met a teenager from France in 2004. The teen was religious, and he told Ari and me that in Paris it was not safe to wear a yarmulke in public. Ari said, “When that happens here (in America) I’m leaving.” Could that happen in America, I wondered? Or could something else happen in America along those lines? That prompted the question, “What has to happen for me to say it’s time to go?” (Incidentally, a decade later, in 2014-15, over 10,000 French Jews made aliyah and a poll in the Jewish communities in France during those years showed 80% were considering making aliyah.)

The benchmark event that I spent a decade considering I was never able to identify. Maybe because I didn’t want to draw that proverbial line in the sand which, when crossed, meant it was time to move. I guess I was afraid to make the move. Or afraid to deal with the reality that things would have to be really be bad if that event occurred...an event like not being able to wear a yarmulke outside. So I kept asking myself and my friends the question without having an answer myself.

In 2015, my question changed...as did my location.

In the summer of 2014, it became clear to me that the world was turning against Israel and the Jews...and the world was turning upside down. During Operation Protective Edge that summer, I watched in bewilderment and consternation as large parts of the world sided with Hamas in Gaza and raised their banners against Israel. The prophecies in the Torah and the improbable prophecies of our great rabbinic sages were being played out on news screens. Then, after reading about an anti-Jewish riot in France, my wife turned to me and said, “We should just go (move to Israel).” That week we started looking into “just going,” and after eleven months of planning and a million and one decisions, we boarded our one-way Nefesh B’Nefesh charter flight to Israel with our five little children and 200+ other olim (immigrants to Israel). We now live in beautiful Ramat Beit Shemesh, a largely Anglo suburb of Jerusalem.

Israelis say, “You’ve come at the right time.” They’re referring to End of Days and Moshiach. That is what lead to my new and improved question which I now ask you:

When do you want to move to Israel?

If you believe that ultimately the Jews are all going to live, once again, on the Land of Israel, practically speaking, when do you want to arrive?

1- Do you want to arrive with enough time to establish yourself (learn the language, find employment, own a home, get your kids set up in the school system) before the deluge of olim from the “four corners of the world?”

2- Do you want to arrive just before the messiah (Moshiach) reveals himself causing Jews worldwide to return to the Holy Land?

3- Do you want to arrive with the millions of Jews worldwide who will concurrently return with Moshiach?

4- Do you want to arrive after fleeing due to persecution, rampant terrorist attacks, or some other reason that forces you to run for your life...possibly that unnamed event struggled with for ten years?

Let’s explore each of these just briefly.

Scenario 1: You arrive with enough time to get situated, set up and established. When millions and millions of Jews come all at once, you and your family will already be established in Israel and you won’t have to compete for work, for classroom space for your kids and you’ll have a place to live. The flipside of the coin is that you have to uproot your life and move while things are presumably comfortable for you. However, you’ll be making aliyah by choice and with this option, you can choose to bring your belongings. This might not be the case with the other three options.

Scenario 2: Who knows when the Moshiach will come? There is a deadline, and as of the writing of this in the waning days of 2015 (5776), that leave 224 years til the deadline. We hope HaShem sends him before the deadline, and that could be any day from now until the year 6000. Nobody knows the exact date, so if you are watching the news and feel like that time is coming, then this is your time. But it takes time to plan this transcontinental transition. Passport processing alone takes several weeks, so waiting for the last minute is not a wise course of action. (Do you have passports for all your travelers...even your infant?)

Scenario 3: You will arrive with hordes of Jews who, like you and your family, will have to find a place to live...much less a place to sleep the first night. There are lots of cities and towns in Israel. Where do you begin? Do you go as far as your legs can take your smallest walking child after getting off the airplane or boat? I don’t know if this will be a hurry-up and leave situation where you get away with the shirt on your back or if you can pack bags or even send for your belongings later. (Incidentally: when we moved, we packed 15 huge duffle bags, and that was after we sent a 40 foot container with our furniture, clothes and toys.) We left our pet with my parents. : (  

Scenario 4: Like many a Jew who preceded us, you might have to flee persecution or worse. This might entail grabbing your passport and running...possibly even from America! (Speaking of passports: # 1 on your action list should be to get passports for every member of your family. It costs a pretty penny and it takes time to get them processed, and if you have to get out of Dodge in a hurry, you don’t want to get stopped at the airport because you don’t have passports for you, your spouse and your kids...plus your mother and father if they’re living with you.) This “run for your life” scenario is the worst, but it’s happened so many times before. I believe it’s wishful, blissful thinking to believe it can’t happen in America.

Therefore I ask you: When do you want to arrive?